


Deal with the Devil

by pterawaters



Category: Glee
Genre: Bad Jokes, Kurt has a harem, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Polyamory, Popularity, Silly, bisexual fetishization, characters with problematic viewpoints, on the part of a character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:05:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pterawaters/pseuds/pterawaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt doesn’t mean to become popular.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deal with the Devil

Kurt doesn’t mean to become popular. He’s an effeminate gay kid in Midwestern Ohio. Even in first grade, the boys made fun of him for liking girly things and the girls made fun of him for being a boy. He didn’t have many friends throughout grade school, and he survived middle school by keeping his head down and dressing in ways that were meant more as disguises than as methods of self-expression.

And then the gay rights movement blossoms. States start legislating same-sex marriage and Lima’s one real claim to fame, actor Bryce Langdon, superstar of screens big and small, comes out as gay, and he’s marrying his most recent co-star, James (Jamie) Hu. Jaime Hu, star of almost a dozen sports movies, and a former NFL player, comes out as bisexual.

Quinn Fabray takes one look at Kurt the first day of freshman year and decides that he’s going to be her new best friend. “I don’t care what my parents and my pastor say about gay people,” she says to Kurt, petting his hair in a way that’s, frankly, upsetting and dehumanizing. “Gay people are cool and bisexual men are hot.”

Kurt has had no love for Quinn ever since the time in eighth grade when she asked him if he’d gotten his period yet. And still, the lure of power is compelling. He looks her square in the eye and says, “Cruella, if you get me a boyfriend, I’ll be the perfect gay best friend. I’ve practiced my lisp in private, I have blood red pants tighter than Joan River’s skin after a facelift, and I can rock a feather boa with the best of them.”

Quinn smiles, her eye teeth sharp against her pink-stained lips. “Deal.”

The next day, Quinn approaches Kurt at his locker before lunch, a boy on her heels. He has a mop of curly hair on the top of his head and what looks like a permanent scowl of boredom on his face. Quinn tells Kurt, "Puck is your new boyfriend."

Kurt looks the boy up and down, noticing the way his shoulder muscles stretch his shirt. It's impressive for a freshman, though he kind of looks like he could be a senior. 

Before Kurt can respond, Puck says, "I don't do exclusive." The smirk he gives Kurt is positively unraveling.

Kurt takes his time finishing his inspection. "Let me pick out your clothes, and make out with me in public, and we're good," Kurt says. He goes for broke when he adds, "I don't do exclusive either."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Puck asks, looking down at his t shirt and ripped jeans.

Quinn frowns at Puck and rolls her eyes. "So much, sweetie. Just do whatever Kurt wants."

"Fine," Puck says. He watches Quinn walk away, this lovesick sort of expression in his eyes. "You know, Quinn digs guys who are bi."

"So I've heard." Kurt sighs and closes his locker. "Accompany me to lunch?"

Puck shrugs and gives Kurt his arm, which Kurt accepts. As they walk, Puck says, "You know, now that you're wearing gay dude clothes, I've got this whole new appreciation for your ass."

Blushing, Kurt says, "Honey, you've got several dozen dates worth of work before I let you anywhere _near_ my ass."

Puck looks disappointed as he nods. Before they get to Quinn's lunch table (the popular table!), Puck asks, "Do you like my ass?"

Kurt raises an eyebrow. "I'd have to actually see it before I formed an opinion, and those pants aren't doing you any favors."

"Okay." Puck greets the others at the table warmly and sits with his arm over Kurt's shoulder for most of the period, pausing only to inhale the sandwich and chips that another boy, Finn Hudson, brought him.

Kurt does his best to follow the conversation at the table while eating his quinoa salad, and manages to answer Quinn's fashion question in an appropriately articulate manner.

"See?" Quinn says to her friends before batting her eyelashes at Finn. "I told you guys Kurt was great."

"He's awesome," Puck says, kissing Kurt's cheek.

Kurt blushes. "Go on," he says to the table at large. "I like this. Tell me more."

Everyone laughs and Kurt feels about eighteen feet tall.

~*~

Since he's out at school, Kurt comes out to his dad. Burt insists that he already knew. Of course he already knew.

No longer feeling the need to hide, Kurt joins drama class. After the first meeting, Kurt calls up Quinn, "Quinn Bee, I have a problem."

"Who's giving my best gay trouble?" Quinn's voice is low and, frankly, scary. Kurt doesn't point out how problematic the term "best gay" can be.

Kurt tells Quinn the whole story about what happened in Drama. The next day Mr. Ryerson is gone, Ms. Pillsbury in his place. "Alright, class. Let's hear some ideas. What play do you want to put on this year?"

Everyone in the class looks to Kurt. He's sure Quinn put them up to this. Mustering up his courage, Kurt says, "Wicked. We're doing wicked."

"A musical?" Ms. Pillsbury asks. "I'm not sure we can do a _musical_."

Kurt grins, looking around at his fellow classmates. "We're doing a musical." Everyone nods. Kurt feels like he's become a prince overnight.

That weekend, Kurt takes one of the other actors, Rachel, to Between the Sheets. They have the go ahead to order the music they're going to need for the musical and Kurt wants to make sure they get it absolutely right. Rachel, who's increasingly more annoying, despite the way she sings, rushes into the store, straight for the musicals section.

Kurt follows, but doesn't quite get out of the way before a boy with blonde hair and glasses runs into him. "Oh, my god," the boy says, looking Kurt up and down. "I am _so_ sorry. Here, let me help you."

Kurt isn't quite sure why his outfit needs to be brushed off, but he allows the boy to do it. "I'm Kurt," he says, sticking out his hand.

The boy takes it. "Chandler." He blushes and looks down, which is super adorable. "You're here with your girlfriend?"

"Who? _Rachel_?" Kurt barks with laughter. "Oh, my god no! I mean, I have a boyfriend." Chandler deflates a little. " _But_ , we're not exclusive or anything."

Chandler perks back up. "Does that mean I could get your phone number?"

Smiling, Kurt replies, "That's exactly what that means."

~*~

Near the end of Freshman year, Quinn breaks up with Finn, because she wants to go to the end-of-the-year dance with this Junior. A few days later, Finn approaches Kurt. "Hey."

"Hello, Finn," Kurt says cautiously. While his popularity is no longer exclusively tied to Quinn's approval, Kurt knows she can ruin him if she gets the idea into her head. "What brings you to my neck of the hallway?" Kurt checks his appearance in the mirror, fixing a few locks of hair Puck must have displaced during their between-classes make out. 

Finn shuffles his feet, looking down at them. He mumbles something, but down the hall, Harry Crosby is shouting about something, so Kurt doesn't catch it. 

"What?"

Finn's cheeks flush red and he steps closer. "Will you make out with me? Quinn only likes guys who are bi."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "You think I'll risk Quinn getting mad at me for scooping up her seconds? Yeah, I don't think so. Make out with Puck if you're so desperate to make her jealous."

"But Puck is bi," Finn points out. "And he's my best friend. Making out with him isn't going to convince anyone I'm not straight. C'mon. I know you two aren't exclusive."

Kurt sighs. "I'll talk to Quinn. And Puck. Oh, and I should probably mention it to my weekend boyfriend before I say yes."

"You have a weekend boyfriend?" Finn asks. He sounds impressed. "Hey, can I be, like, your Tuesday boyfriend? Just until Quinn takes me back?"

"We'll see," Kurt says, leaving Finn behind in the hall as he enters the French classroom. 

~*~

Finn does become one of Kurt's boyfriends, because Quinn insists that she's done with him and Kurt's pretty sure Puck wants the excuse to "practice" making out with Finn, for _Kurt's_ benefit, of course.

Kurt gets onto the spring dance royalty, and he's voted Spring King to Quinn's Spring Queen. Kurt loves the rush of being up on stage, the bright spotlight warming his face and all eyes on him. He loves the faux-glitz of the crown Principal Figgins places on his head. Kurt _loves_ being popular.

After dancing with Quinn, Kurt heads to rejoin Chandler, who's chatting with Puck and Finn about some baseball thing that Kurt isn't interested in and doesn't understand. Nominally, Puck and Finn came to the dance together, with Chandler as Kurt's date, but Kurt has the sneaking suspicion that in reality, they're all here for him.

The power makes Kurt feel pleasantly dizzy.

Before Kurt reaches his boyfriends, one of the bigger boys shoulders Kurt, knocking him so far sideways, his crown clatters to the ground. Full of righteous fury, Kurt turns and sees that it's David Karofsky. "Watch where you're going, _faggot_!"

Kurt feels like he's about to explode with anger. Instead of letting Karofsky get away, Kurt gets in front of him and grabs Karofsky's tie, pulling on it sharply so he bends down far enough to meet Kurt's eyes. "Don't for _one second_ think that just because you're bigger than me, you can intimidate me. I can make your life a living hell, Karofsky."

"What are you going to do?" David asks, his lips curled up in a sneer. "Kiss me like you kiss all the other guys, you slut?"

Kurt doesn't even think. He brings his knee up at the same time he pulls on Karofsky's tie. Karofsky's grunt of pain fills the suddenly silent gymnasium. 

As Karofsky falls to the side, Kurt dusts his hands together and walks away. Kurt's boys welcome him back into their arms, with Finn placing Kurt's crown back on his head and Puck sneering at Karofsky's friends.

Before Kurt gets very far, Coach Sylvester blocks his path. Kurt gives her an unimpressed stare. He doesn't even care if he gets suspended. Karofsky deserved what he got. "Well, well, well. I've had my eye on you for awhile, Hummel. Ever since my Quinn took you under her wing."

"And?" Kurt asks, blinking at her with more bravado than he would normally feel. It must be the adrenaline rush. Suddenly Kurt understands why Puck participates in his fight club.

"And I want you on my Cheerios. We start summer practice the day after school lets out."

Kurt thinks about the offer. On the one hand, he was hoping to use this summer to spend more time with his dad and to work on writing his own musical for the drama club to perform next fall. On the other hand, being a Cheerio is a surefire way to maintain his popularity, as long as he's careful not to unseat Quinn.

Feeling brave with all three of his boys behind him, Kurt says, "I accept your offer under two conditions. First, that my dear friend Quinn Fabray has no objections to me joining what is clearly her domain."

"Smart," Sylvester says, her nod reeking of impressed approval. "What's your second condition?"

"A new school policy, prohibiting the use of slurs, especially those concerning gender and sexuality. I _know_ you have pull with the administration and the school board, Coach Sylvester. Pushing through this change of policy should be easy for you."

Sylvester smirks. "No problem, whatsoever. Tell me, how is your flexibility?"

"Excellent," Kurt replies, smiling over at Puck. "Isn't that right, Noah, dear?"

"Oh, yeah," Puck replies, sharing a grin with Finn. "Better than Santana, Coach."

Coach Sylvester frowns, but her brows are high and impressed. "Very well. I'll see you in two weeks, Mister Hummel."

"I look forward to it."

~*~

Kurt only has to promise to defer to Quinn's authority at all times before she encourages him to join the squad. "It'll be nice knowing I have someone who's definitely on my side. Never before has a sophomore been Cheer Captain. I'm not letting anyone take that away from me."

While they're sitting on the bleachers during lunch, watching the jocks throw a frisbee around, Kurt asks, "How are things going with Charles?"

Shrugging, Quinn replies, "I'm sure I'll tire of him soon. Don't you get tired of bouncing back and forth between boyfriends?"

"Not really. Chandler and I have lots of common interests, and I love his flirty texts, but he goes to a different school, so I only see him on Saturdays."

Quinn nods out to the field. "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?" 

Kurt can guess at who she means, watching as Finn whips the frisbee so hard it almost hits Azimio (one of Karofsky's friends) in the head. Puck crows like a mad man and jumps onto Finn's back, Finn catching him easily. "They're sweet. Besides, I'm pretty sure they're using dating me as an excuse to have lots of sex with each other, for 'practice'."

"You still havent?" Quinn asks with a laugh. 

Kurt shakes his head. "I like fooling around. I'm not ready for more."

"I know what you mean."

Kurt follows Quinn's wistful line of sight to where Charles is pretending to hump one of his Junior friends. Everyone around them laughs.

"Eugh. That's it. I'm breaking up with him," Quinn says. "Feel free to add another member to your harem."

Kurt laughs. "Yeah, I don't think so. Are you still into bi guys exclusively?" Quinn nods, so Kurt looks around the field before asking, "What about Matt Rutherford? He stares at Mike Chang's ass a lot. He's probably bi."

"Hmm," Quinn says. "Well, he's black, so that would piss off my parents, which I like. He's quiet, which might mean he's thoughtful. Maybe…" She turns to Kurt and smiles at him.

"What?" Kurt asks, his voice as low and unsurprised as he can make it.

Batting her eyelashes, which shouldn't work on Kurt but always does, Quinn asks, "Test drive him for me?"

God help him, Kurt's actually considering it. However, there's a problem. "School's out after today. How am I supposed to make that happen?"

"I'll throw a party," Quinn says, her smile less angelic than machiavellian. "Everyone will be there. You can offer him a _ride_ home."

"You are never getting over the fact that I already have my driver's license, are you?"

Laughing, Quinn puts her arm through Kurt's. " _Never_."

~*~

Kurt makes three attempts during the summer, between Cheerios practices, working at his dad's shop, and spending time with his dad and boyfriends to seduce Matt Rutherford. None of them work. Quinn asks Matt out anyway. Three weeks later, when school starts, Matt and Quinn are still dating. Kurt still has three boyfriends, though it's beginning to look a lot more like Kurt-and-Chandler and Finn-and-Puck-with-Kurt-sometimes. Kurt doesn't mind. He's a lot happier than he thought he'd be a year ago.

A few weeks into sophomore year, Finn comes to Kurt after school. He looks like he's about to cry, "Kurt, dude, you've gotta help me."

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, taking Finn's hand and drawing him into Mrs. Herbert's empty classroom. Puck notices them and tags along when Finn gives him a nod. "Finn?"

"Mr. Schuester found pot in my locker!" he cries. "I don't even know how it got in there."

Puck holds up his hands. "It wasn't me, I swear."

Kurt gives Puck an unimpressed frown before turning back to Finn. "Who do you think put it there?"

"I don't know," Finn cries, his eyes wide with panic. "But Mr. Schuester said that he'll turn me in unless I join the glee club."

" _Glee club_?" Kurt asks. "Since when does McKinley have a glee club? I didn't approve this!"

"What do I do?" Finn lets Puck wrap his arms around Finn from behind. Kurt smiles. They're usually a little more circumspect when Kurt is present.

"I could break his kneecaps," Puck offers.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Just join glee club. I'll come too. Ms. Pillsbury said they won't let the drama club do my play about Freddie Mercury, and I don't feel like ruining them from the inside. Too easy and sad."

Looking over his shoulder, Finn asks, "Puck? You have a pretty nice voice."

"You do?" Kurt asks. "Why didn't I know this?"

Puck shrugged. "Dunno. It's embarrassing. I'm a football guy. I mean, isn't glee club a little g-" Puck stops himself before he finishes the word. "Uh, gooey. Yeah, like feelings and shit?"

"That was a close one, Puckerman," Kurt warns, pointing his finger at Puck. "Are you in or are you out?"

"In?" Puck replies, looking to Kurt and then up at Finn for approval.

Kurt smiles and pats Puck's cheek. "Good boy." He turns to address Finn. "Don't worry about it, sweetie. We're going to blow Mr. Schuester's socks off – with our _talent_ , Puck. He's going to be so in love with us that he'd never even _think_ of getting you in trouble."

Finn lets out a relieved breath and kisses Kurt's cheek. "Thanks, Kurt. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Yeah," says Puck. "Our boyfriend is the best." He kisses Kurt on the lips, and then murmurs something at Finn once Kurt turns to leave. Kurt's pretty sure Puck's complaining about joining glee club, not about the blow job Kurt gave him the night before.

~*~

When Kurt tells Coach Sylvester he's joining Glee club, she goes ballistic. "What are you thinking, Porcelain? Will Schuester's club is full of knee-knockers and tone deaf monkeys! I can't have one of my best cheerleaders associating with such filth!"

"I don't know if you know this about me, Coach," Kurt replies, standing up from his seat. "But I love to sing. I've also decided it's time to diversify my extracurricular portfolio. Don't ask me to choose, because I guarantee you won't like my answer."

"Fine," Coach Sylvester says, the eyes of her squeeze-ball toy popping out morbidly. "But I'm only agreeing to this because I love your high kick, your no-nonsense attitude, and the way you keep the boys of this school in line."

"Thank you." Kurt beams. While Mr. Schuester may have extorted Finn into the club, Kurt looks forward to performing on stage in a way he hasn't been able to since drama club ended last year. "You won't regret this."

"See that the funding for your stupid little club doesn't mess with the Cheerios' resources and I won't have to." Coach sneers at Kurt and nods to the door. "Dismissed, Hummel." 

~*~

" _Please_ ," Kurt begs, following Quinn through the store as she picks up shoes, frowns, and puts them down again. "We need at least five more people before we can compete. Figgins is threatening to shut us down."

Quinn frowns. "Why would I join some _stupid_ glee club, Kurt? People are already starting to talk about how you got Finn and Puck to join. You _promised_ you would be cool."

"Beyonce," Kurt says, raising an eyebrow at Quinn. "Britney Spears. Justin Timberlake. Do you think they're uncool?"

Quinn frowns at Kurt, but she looks like she's creeping closer to being on the fence.

"Besides, _we_ decide what's cool and what's not. _You_ decide. Everyone else can go screw themselves."

"I _do_ like to sing." Quinn says, her fingers lingering on a pair of black pumps. "Santana's really good."

"Brittany dances better than anyone I've ever seen, and I've been taking ballet since I was three." Kurt picks up a similar shoe to the one in Quinn's hands and holds it out toward her. "If you joined, they'd follow."

Quinn takes the shoe. "Coach Sylvester?"

"Needs us more than we need her," Kurt assures Quinn. "As long as we win Nationals this year, she'll let us do whatever we want."

"True," Quinn replied, handing the shoe back. "I'll _think_ about it."

Kurt grins. "C'mon. The froyo place in the food court has fat free. My treat."

Quinn rolls her eyes, but smiles and takes Kurt's hand. "You're just trying to butter me up."

"It's working isn't it?"

~*~

Rachel Berry is the bane of Kurt's existence. Not only does she keep making eyes at Finn, but halfway through the season, she starts dating the competition!

"We have to do something," Kurt says while he studies with Finn and Puck in his room after school. "Rachel's going to destroy the glee club."

"We could kill that Jesse guy," Puck suggests, earning dubious looks from both Finn and Kurt. "Well, I didn't say we were _going_ to."

Kurt sighs and falls back onto the bed, his arm draped across Finn's lap. "Maybe I could seduce him away from her?"

"You _are_ really good at seduction," Finn says, spreading his fingers out over Kurt's, their palms touching. "It _could_ work."

"What if he's completely straight?" Kurt asks.

"Dude, I was straight until I kissed you. This Jesse guy won't stand a chance." Finn smiles and bends down, placing a kiss on Kurt's lips.

Puck scoffs. "Finn. You were _never_ straight. You only thought you were."

Kurt said, "I couldn't seduce Matt. I tried so hard. I used all my moves. The red-stained lips…"

"Bending over near him," Puck supplies, scooting closer and running a hand up Kurt's thigh.

Finn adds, "Talking about cars where he could hear you."

"Sucking on that fucking lollypop for _hours_." Puck's voice goes low and husky, which makes Kurt's heart beat that much faster.

"Well, I _know_ it works on you guys. It works on Chandler, but–"

Puck crawls up over Kurt's body, straddling his hips and looking down at him. "Chandler's so in love with you it's stupid."

"Love isn't stupid," Kurt insists, just before Puck drops down, pressing a harsh kiss to Kurt's lips.

~*~

Kurt has Jesse's cock in his mouth when he hears Puck's voice say, "Yeah, I think I saw him go through here."

The door opens, Rachel shrieks, and Jesse pulls away, crying, "Oh, my god!"

Kurt gets out of the way, licking the rubber taste of the condom from his lips, as Jesse pulls up his pants and runs after Rachel, calling, "No, wait! Rachel! I didn't mean to!"

Puck laughs and holds out a fist toward Kurt. Kurt bumps his own against Puck's. "Mission accomplished."

"I took a picture for Chandler," Puck says, holding up his phone. "He made me promise."

Kurt laughs. "Oh, that boy and his kinks." He looks at the picture of the back of his head obscuring Jesse's cock, Jesse's eyes wide with surprise, his mouth open in an O. Kurt laughs again. "Oh, my god. You have to send that to me, too!"

"I might send it to everyone," Puck says with a wicked grin. "Now, c'mon. They're going to announce the winners soon."

"How do you think vocal adrenaline did while their lead singer had a frustration boner? I mean, it's not my fault he let me tease him backstage." Kurt took Puck's hand, lacing their fingers together.

Puck sniggered against Kurt's shoulder. "They did so bad, dude. So, so bad."

~*~

The New Directions places at Regionals, but doesn't win, so they don't end up going to Nationals. Kurt feels happy with their triumph, even if they don't get to compete on the national level. When word gets around about exactly _how_ they beat Vocal Adrenaline, Kurt starts getting more and more propositions. Most of them are in jest, and Kurt isn't interested in the ones who are serious. Besides, three boyfriends is enough for anyone, isn't it?

One Saturday night, Kurt and Chandler are on a date, leaving the movie theater, when they run into David Karofsky and his friends. Kurt groans. "Oh, great."

"C'mon," Chandler says, pulling on Kurt's hand. "Let's go this way."

"Yeah," Kurt agrees, trying to keep from looking over his shoulder. It doesn't work.

Karofsky is alone, the rest of his friends must have gone into the building. He walks after Kurt and Chandler quickly, his eyes dark.

Kurt turns. "What?" he cries angrily. "What do you want from me?"

"Call off your fucking attack dogs," Karofsky demands.

Kurt has no idea what he's talking about. "What? What attack dogs?"

"Your boyfriends, all the football players, _everyone_! I can't take it anymore!" Karofsky shoves both hands into his hair, his eyes wide and wild.

Kurt shares a concerned look with Chandler, and Kurt gives into the urge to push Chandler behind him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Karofsky's nostrils flare. "It's what you promised, isn't it? Puckerman fucking kicked my knee the first day of try-outs, got all his boys to say it was an accident. _None_ of the girls will talk to me. I'm pretty sure Quinn Fabray made Mr. Bell give me an F in Biology. Now Coach is talking about cutting me from hockey, even though I'm the best player on the team. I give up, alright? You win!" Karofsky's voice breaks and suddenly Kurt feels desperately bad for him.

Kurt crosses his arms over his chest. He doesn't need to look weak in front of Karofsky. That's probably exactly what he wants out of this whole act. Unless it isn't an act. Kurt didn't even tell his friends to blacklist Karofsky like this, but he's not having trouble believing they could do it. "I'll tell them to let up on you," Kurt says, keeping his voice as steady as he can with his heart up in his throat, "on one condition."

"What? What condition?" Karofsky looks suddenly hopeful and simultaneously disgusted.

"Tell me why you did it. Why did you call me those names?" Kurt notices Chandler move closer to Kurt's back, his hand on Kurt's wrist like he's about ready to drag Kurt away if this goes bad.

Karofsky clenches his jaw and looks away, across the parking lot. The sun went down a couple hours ago, and the February air is starting to grow frigid. It takes a few moments, Chandler fidgeting uneasily at Kurt's back, before Karofsky replies. "I'm _gay_ , alright? Me."

Kurt gasps in surprise, reaching back for Chandler, who gasps as well.

Karofsky frowns at them both and asks, "What makes _you_ so special that you can come out like you did and have such a great fucking life? It's not fair."

Compassion hitting him like an unwelcome freight train, Kurt uncrosses his arms and closes the distance between him and Karofsky. "Oh, David."

Karofsky takes a step backward. "Just call off your guys."

"Sure," Kurt says with a nod, reaching back for Chandler, who takes Kurt's hand and holds it tight. "I will."

Karofsky disappears into the movie theater after his friends. Kurt looks over at Chandler and says, "Well."

"Uh-huh." Chandler pushes his arms around Kurt's body, hugging him close. "Alright, snuggle-bug?"

Kurt snorts with amusement. He loves the corny pet names Chandler comes up with. "Yeah, alright. Thanks, honey."

Chandler looks up at Kurt. "Cheesecake or make outs?"

"Cheesecake _then_ make outs," Kurt insists, determined not to let Karofsky's outburst ruin his date. He's been looking forward to getting Chandler in the back seat of his car all week.

~*~

"Kurt, kiddo, sit down." Burt pulls out one of the kitchen chairs and nods to it.

Kurt sits, asking, "What's this about?"

"Kurt, you're almost seventeen. I think it's about time we had a talk."

A lance of worry shoots through Kurt's body and he cringes. "A talk about what?"

Burt sits down across the table, clasping his hands in front of him. "You know how proud I am of you."

Kurt nods, this can't be good. Oh, god.

"And I want you to know that I support you, one hundred percent."

"Okaaaay." Kurt raises an eyebrow at his father. "What's this about?"

"Carole Hudson called me this afternoon." Burt frowns and Kurt feels his face grow hot. Oh, god. This was bad enough the first time around. "She said you and her son were having sex."

"Kind of?" Kurt replies, his voice squeaking.

"What happened to that nice Chandler boy? Didn't you just go on a date with him last weekend?" Burt's frown deepens. "Kurt…"

Kurt doesn't know what to say. Up until now, Burt has been pretty don't ask, don't tell when it comes to Kurt's love life. He doesn't like this new, inquisitive Burt. Does he really want to know about how Kurt made love to Chandler during their last date, or about how he and Puck 69'ed in the back of Puck's pickup truck the night before, or about how Kurt rode Finn while quizzing him on the state capitals for his geography test that's tomorrow?

"Kurt, sex is something that's fun, I know, but it's also something you should share with someone you really care about." Burt picks at one thumb with the other, his eyes darting up to meet Kurt's now and again, like he can't maintain eye contact for too long. Kurt wishes he was in another room entirely.

"I _know_ that," Kurt insists, sure he is about to die from embarrassment.

Burt sighs. "You _say_ you know that, but like I said, you're seventeen. You're not exactly hard wired to make the best decisions. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter, Kurt. You _matter_."

Kurt understands what his dad is trying to do. He does. He also knows that Burt has everything completely wrong. "Dad. Finn and I have been dating for over a year."

"You have?" Burt's brows draw together in confusion. "But…but you introduced that Chandler kid as your boyfriend the last time he was over for dinner."

"Chandler and I have been dating even longer than I've been dating Finn." Kurt knows there's no way he's going to be able to explain this right, but he's going to try to be truthful in any case.

"What?" Burt leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. "Kurt, are you two-timing these poor boys?"

Kurt tries not to roll his eyes, but it happens anyway. "Not in the way you're thinking. They know about each other. Everything's cool, Dad. I promise. Can I go now?"

"Are you being safe?"

Kurt thinks about how much of his spending money goes to condoms instead of fashion accessories. " _Yes_! Okay, good talk. Bye, Dad."

Kurt escapes before Burt can do more than weakly protest. Shutting himself in his room, Kurt texts Chandler. "My dad just tried to give me the sex talk."

Chandler texts back, "Your moves are so smooth, you should've been the one giving your dad The Talk!"

Kurt laughs. He can always count on Chandler to make him laugh.

~*~

Over the summer, Kurt's dad and Finn's mom start dating. It's weird, but Burt is out of the house more often, which means Kurt gets to have his boyfriends over more often. 

In the fall, Karofsky comes to Kurt in the morning before class and says, "Thanks. I made the football team, even though there's a new coach."

"Good," Kurt says, trying to relax a little, even though it's difficult in Karofsky's presence. "As long as you don't start trouble, we'll be fine."

Karofsky smiles at Kurt, and he might actually be blushing. "That's good. Great. Bye."

As the warning bell rings, Karofsky melts into the crowd. Kurt smiles after him. Maybe sometimes people _can_ change.

Kurt heads to the choir room later that day, entering the room and sitting down next to Quinn. "I think David Karofsky might have a crush on me."

Rolling her eyes, Quinn responds, "Most of the people in this school have a crush on you, Kurt. Enjoy it."

Kurt smirks to himself, waves when Tina and Mercedes enter the room together, and asks, "So, what's this I hear about you and some older skateboarder?"

"It's a rumor," Quinn says, smirking. "I had Santana start it. I've got to maintain my edge."

"Still upset about Matt moving away?" Kurt pinches Puck's ass when he brushes by, heading for the back row. Puck swears and ruffles Kurt's hair, but only a little bit. It's easy for Kurt to put it back right with his fingers.

"No," Quinn says, rolling her eyes at him. "Well, maybe a little bit. Jacob Ben Israel put it in his blog that I was looking depressed. I am a national cheerleading champion. I don't _do_ depressed."

"Perky is a way of life." Kurt agrees. "What would cheer you up, sweetie?"

Quinn thinks for a moment, one finger tapping her chin, before she says, "Winning Sectionals sure would put me in a good mood."

Rachel turns around. "We're up against Dalton. They're an all boy's private school. They've won their Sectionals four out of the last five years." She looks about ready to vibrate out of her chair.

"Settle down, Rachel," Kurt says, rolling his eyes. "If we work really hard, I'm sure we can beat them."

"Or…" Artie says. All eyes turn to him.

"Or?" Finn asks, encouraging him to speak with a hand gesture. 

Artie can be a little quiet sometimes, but once you get him going, he's got a mouth as loud as anyone in the glee club. In this instance, he waffles for a few seconds before saying, "An all _boys_ team? Doesn't anyone else remember how we beat Vocal Adrenaline?"

Kurt feels his cheeks flush at the same time Rachel goes pale. Rachel turns and faces the front of the room, crossing her arms over her chest. Kurt replies, "I don't know. What if none of them are gay?"

"Oh, _please_ ," Santana cries out. "Even if none of them think they're gay, all we have to do is get them within fifty feet of Kurt and they'll be _gagging_ for it."

"True," Mike says, shrugging when he gets a few curious looks.

Off to one side of the room, Sam asks, "Wait, what? What did Kurt do?" Mercedes waves at him to be quiet.

"Guys." Kurt stands up and goes to the front of the room so he can face them. "I can't go _seducing_ our competition every time we're a little intimidated. Shouldn't we win because we're the better team?"

"If we don't win Sectionals, we don't get to place at Regionals, which means we don't get to keep the Glee club. As much as I hate Kurt using his body to seduce other people's _boyfriends_ , we have to do what's best for the team." Rachel joins Kurt in facing the rest of the members. "We'll put it to a vote!"

Kurt makes a distressed noise of dissent. "My sexual favors are not a democracy!"

"More like communism," Puck says with a wink. "Share and share alike!"

Kurt frowns and flips Puck the finger. Puck laughs and makes a kissing motion in the air. Kurt sighs. He's not even mad at Puck, they just like antagonizing one another on occasion.

"All in favor?" Rachel asks. 

Everyone except Sam, Finn, and Tina raise their hands. Puck raises both of his.

Kurt sighs. " _Fine_. I'll go spy on Dalton. I'm not promising anything, though."

"At least this time it won't be someone I'm dating," Rachel says under her breath as Mr. Schuester comes into the room.

Grinning to himself, Kurt retakes his seat next to Quinn.

"Alright, glee club! Let's hear your assignments for today!" Mr. Schuester cries.

Instead of listening to the song-of-the-week, Kurt makes mental plans for how to infiltrate Dalton.

~*~

"I know who you are," Blaine says after the Warblers finish their impromptu performance. "You're Kurt Hummel, from New Directions."

"Oh," Kurt says, taken aback. He's never been recognized outside of McKinley before. "You've heard of me?"

"Everyone in the show choir circuits has heard of you!" Blaine grins, offering his hand to Kurt. Kurt takes it. "You're the boy who took down the great Jesse St. James!"

Kurt shrugs one shoulder. "Well, I don't like to brag…"

"There are so many rumors," Blaine says, leading Kurt down a hallway, toward a room with a fancy wooden sign that says, "Cafeteria." There's a full espresso stand in one corner of the room. "Most of them say you made him fall in love with you, and then broke his heart right before he had to go onstage. Either that, or itching powder."

Smirking, Kurt shakes his head. He leads Blaine toward the coffee cart and puts in his order. He turns to Blaine and says, "If you want to know the whole story, you need to buy my coffee, rich boy."

Blaine splutters for a moment, but hastily agrees.

When they're sitting down in the empty cafeteria with their paper coffee cups in hand, Kurt confesses. "I gave him half a blow job before his performance, and promised the rest of it for after. He was sufficiently distracted."

Kurt figures there's no harm in setting the record straight. It's not like he's going to use the same trick again. Though, Blaine is cute enough that Kurt would give it some thought before moving onto a new plan.

Blaine laughs, his hands wrapped around his paper cup. "Wow. You are one hell of a guy."

"Thanks!" Kurt grins and takes a careful sip of his coffee.

"Can I…" Blaine starts, rolling his cup between his hands and looking up at Kurt through his lashes. "Could I maybe ask you out some time?"

Kurt's grin widens. "Um. Yeah. Yeah, sure." Kurt reaches his hand forward. "Give me your phone. I'll give you my number."

"Wow!" Blaine reaches into his pants pocket, pulling out his phone and handing it to Kurt. "I didn't expect you to say yes!"

As he finishes putting his number in Blaine's phone and texting himself, Kurt says, "You should probably know, I don't date exclusively. I have other boyfriends."

"Oh, okay," Blaine says. He looks moderately disappointed, but within a second he renews his smile. "No, that's fine. Great even. This is great."

Kurt decides to take his leave while he can, and because he might as well leave Blaine wanting more. He pushes away from the table and stands up. "I'll see you at sectionals, Blaine. Or maybe even _before_."

~*~

Finn's in Kurt's room when Kurt gets home from school. "Any reason you're not in your own room?" Kurt asks. 

Finn shrugs. "Your room smells nicer. Also, I wanted to know how it went."

"It went fine," Kurt replies. "According to plan, for the most part. I got their star soloist's number." He takes off his scarf and wraps it around Finn's neck, pulling him in for a quick kiss. "And your room would smell better if you would change your sheets after you and Puck get them dirty."

A silly grin on his face, Finn says, "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Also the rotting pizza under your bed isn't doing you any favors. We're going to get bugs, Finn."

Finn leans back on Kurt's bed, lacing his fingers together behind his head. "Maybe I just need a little incentive?"

"Our parents are home," Kurt points out, but he traces one finger up Finn's thigh anyway. "You'd have to be _very_ quiet. Also, you'd have to clean your room first, otherwise I'm just rewarding bad behavior."

"Ugh, fine," Finn says, rolling from Kurt's bed onto his feet in one smooth motion. "I'll clean my freaking room."

Kurt grins.

~*~

Kurt takes Blaine out to dinner for their first date. They chat mostly about show choir, though Kurt is careful to say only what he knows about other schools, and nothing about the McKinley team. He learns that the Warblers always give Blaine the major solos, even though he's just a sophomore. "Don't the other boys resent you for always taking the lead?"

Blaine frowns like the thought has never occurred to him. He shakes his head. "No. Not that I know of. Everyone knows I'm the best."

Kurt has an evil thought. He smiles and leans toward Blaine. "But how do you _know_ you're the best, if you never let them challenge you?"

"Is that what you do at McKinley?"

It's so cute that Blaine thinks he's going to get information out of Kurt. Kurt simply nods and says, "We have a system."

Blaine looks rattled, a feeling which Kurt doesn't want him to lose anytime soon. "You know what, I'm sure the way you do it at Dalton is good enough." Kurt sets a few bills out on the table and stands up. "Come on. I thought we'd get share a cupcake from the bakery next door. I hope you like chocolate!"

Kurt takes Blaine's hand, leading him from the restaurant. He still looks lost in thought. Perfect.

When they get to the bakery, Kurt stops short in the doorway. "David! I didn't know you worked here!"

Behind the counter, David Karofsky smiles and gives a little wave. "It's my mom's shop. I help out sometimes." He nods over Kurt's shoulder. "This boyfriend number four?"

Kurt grins when Blaine's jaw drops. Kurt tells David, "Not officially. We're on our first date. Blaine goes to Dalton."

"I don't know what that is." David's eyes drop down, taking in Kurt's outfit. It's simple enough, in neutral colors, but it shows off Kurt's physique well. David's blush makes Kurt feel pleasantly flattered. 

"Only the best all-boys private school in the state," Blaine says in this offhand way, his eyes on the display case rather than on David.

Kurt frowns at the dismissive way Blaine treats David. It's not a good sign, but that's okay. It's not like Kurt needs Blaine for very long. This mission is all about distraction, not about adding another boyfriend to Kurt's dance card. Kurt shares an exasperated smile and eye-roll with David before asking Blaine, "Do you see a flavor you like?"

"Ooh, how about banana?" Blaine points at the yellow-frosted cupcake near the bottom of the display case.

Kurt hates banana. The fruit is okay, but the flavoring makes him gag. Oh, well. Kurt doesn't need the empty calories. Proper nutrition is the key to winning cheerleading championships and song-and-dance competitions. "Sure. Whatever you want, Blaine."

Kurt pays David and takes an exaggeratedly sexual bite of the cupcake, licking his lips and then his fingers. He forces the bite of cake past his gag reflex and swallows it, glad he's had a lot of practice lately. "Yum. Good choice. Here, you take the rest."

Blaine's staring at Kurt's mouth as he licks his own lips. This is going to be so easy. Kurt turns to wave goodbye to David, and sees that David is staring as well. Kurt has to admit, he likes this new, gentler David Karofsky much more than he liked the old one.

Blaine takes the cupcake in three large bites. He finishes chewing properly before he says, "Thanks, Kurt. That was awesome."

"Anything for a cutie like you." Kurt thinks that he's definitely gotten much better at lying since becoming Quinn's best friend. It's fantastic.

~*~

Three days before sectionals, Kurt's walking down the hallway with Puck, trying to keep Puck from sucking on his ear, because he really has to study for his English test instead of sneaking off to the bathroom for a quickie. He stops short when he sees Blaine, in colorful street clothes like he wore during their date, rather than in his school uniform. Kurt bats Puck away. "Blaine! What are you doing here?"

Smiling, but giving Puck a wary look, Blaine stops in front of Kurt and says, "Hey! I was looking for you!"

"He's short," Puck says, throwing his arm over Kurt's shoulders, like he's trying to mark his territory or something. "What's with you and short dudes, Hummel?"

"I have eclectic tastes," Kurt replies, poking Puck in the side as punishment for his impolite behavior. Kurt needs to be on good terms with Blaine for at least a few more days. "It's so good to see you, Blaine. How sweet of you to surprise me at school!"

Puck taps Kurt's shoulder and points down the hallway, past Blaine. David Karofsky heads toward them, his eyes fixated on the back of Blaine's head. Oh, crap.

Blaine says, "Yeah, well, I like you a lot, Kurt and I–"

"I saw you," David says, coming around perpendicular to both Kurt and Blaine. "I saw you in the choir room!"

"I–" Blaine simpers in Kurt's direction with an embarrassed smile. "I was waiting for Kurt! I wasn't sure where you had class."

"Bullshit," David cried, grabbing Blaine's shirt in one of his fists. "I saw you taking pictures. I saw you _take_ something." Before Blaine can protest, David shoves his free hand into Blaine's back pockets, one after the other. He comes back with a folded piece of paper.

Puck takes it from David, unfolds it, and snorts through his nose before passing it to Kurt. It's the proposed set list for Sectionals that weekend. "Thank you, Noah. This was in Mr. Schuester's desk," Kurt says, folding the paper and handing it back to Puck. "Mr. Schue keeps his desk _locked_. There's no way you just _happened_ to pick this up."

"Kurt, I'm so sorry!" Blaine insists, trying to pry his shirt out of David's grip. "I didn't mean to! I–"

Kurt puts his hand on David's shoulder. "Let Noah help you take Blaine to the office? The authorities should know we've had a trespasser." Kurt reaches up and places a soft kiss on David's cheek. The scent of one of David's products is extremely pleasant this close up. 

"Yeah, okay," David says, his cheeks going red. Blaine looks flabberghasted, his mouth wide open in surprise.

"Goodbye, Blaine. I hope your team gets along well without you, as I'm going to do everything in my power to prevent you from performing on Saturday. The show choir rules board doesn't look kindly on cheating."

"But, but _you_ –" Blaine points an accusatory finger at Kurt.

"Paid a friendly visit to a rival school, who immediately treated me to an impromptu performance, even though they knew full well who I was. I'm an innocent bystander, who thought he was dating a kind person, not a malicious cheater and liar." Kurt smiles sadly and watches Quinn approach the scene. "Isn't that right, Quinn? Haven't I talked at length about how much Blaine has gone out of his way to make me feel safe with him?"

"It's all you ever talk about lately," Quinn replies, linking her arm through Kurt's. "I can't believe you've been taken advantage of like this. I'm sure once we tell Coach Sue, she'll do everything she can to protect one of her favorite cheerleaders."

The way Blaine goes pale as David and Puck take him away makes Kurt snigger into Quinn's shoulder. He tells her, "He took one of the fake lists."

Quinn clucks her tongue and shakes her head. "So sad. Poor, stupid baby trying to mess with us. Didn't you tell him why we rule this school?"

Kurt shakes his head. "Blaine thought I was embellishing. I doubt he even believed I have three boyfriends."

"I think it'll be four soon," Quinn says, giggling. "I saw the way you kissed David Karofsky's cheek."

Shrugging, Kurt says, "He's not so bad. Not anymore." He looks over at Quinn and asks, "What about you? What are you thinking about in the love department?"

"I'm looking into my options," she says, smiling at a boy Kurt doesn't know by name. "I think I might be over high school boys."

"But high school boys are _fun_ ," Kurt insists, dropping his voice.

Quinn tilts her head. "Eh. I'm sure high school boys know a lot about dicks. In my experience, none of them know anything about vaginas."

Kurt covers his mouth to muffle his bark of laughter. Then he smirks. "Maybe what you need is a high school girlfriend."

Quinn bumps her hip against Kurt's, but she doesn't disagree.

~*~

The Monday after New Directions wins Sectionals, David approaches Kurt during lunch. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He tilts his head back over his shoulder and Kurt realizes he's asking for a private conversation. 

Kurt hesitates, before deciding that this David is much different than the insecure boy who pushed him and called him names. David has been trying to be better, and Kurt feels like he wants to reward that good behavior. "Yeah, okay." Kurt turns and holds out a hand to his friends as he stands up and steps over the cafeteria table bench. "I'll be right back."

David leads Kurt to one side of the cafeteria, sort of to the other side of a column from everyone else. "I, uh–" he says, looking down and shuffling his feet. "You're– I mean, _you_..."

Smiling at David's fumbling, Kurt's pretty sure he knows what's going on here. He just needs David to say it. "Yes?"

David takes another deep breath, bites his lower lip for a second, and then speaks. "Would you go out with me? Like, on a date?"

"I'd love to," Kurt says with a smile. David lets out a whoosh of air he must have been holding. "Give me your number and I'll let you know when I'm available." 

David grins and hands Kurt his phone.


End file.
